What's up?

This is just a goofy picture of Jericho and I - just after I got back from a run. I'm a hottie huh? ;)

So...I have been trying to run more lately and hit the gym more. It's killing me. I really want to try to do a half marathon and actually signed up for the Hobble Creek Half in July. I figured that 4 1/2 months would give me plenty of time to train. Today I'm feeling like it's not and a little down. I've got 30 big ol' lbs to lose and it's daunting. I exercise all the time, but when you are a full time night shift working mom with a 2 year old....you don't eat so good. It is frustrating. I am up all night, hit the gym before I go home, then I sleep for about 1 1/2 hours before Jericho is up. Once he is up, I have to figure out a way to entertain myself to keep myself awake for a few hours until nap time. Then it's two hours of sleep (maybe - if I can fall asleep) and then we are up again. I try to go for a run, then it's home to do the mom thing, or back to work for another 12 hour night shift. So....you see my metabolism can only be completely screwed. I've had many talks with Wade about this and with others. They always seem to have the same answer..."you need to just eat small meals throughout the day and burn more than you take in". blah, blah, blah.

I have poopy genes if you know what I mean. I know that we aren't supposed to blame everything on our genes and that we can all try to improve things. But...I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall. I exercise and I honestly try to eat balanced. I haven't had any candy, treats for weeks. I've been going to the gym 4-5 times a week, plus 3-4 mile runs 4 times a week. And guess what? Not one ounce, not one cm, not one freakin freckle has come off!!! Pardon my french, but "what the hell??"

Plus...I'm going to be 31 this month. 31!!! So, there's another downer for me. I'm fighting the age thing. You know...once you turn 30 it all goes down hill? I've got horrible arthritis in my joints (thanks genes). My right hand has really been hurting a lot lately. Tendonitis in my right elbow. Horrible gastric/stomach issues. Chronic ovarian cysts/endometriosis. And my left knee completely locked up on me tonight - it scared me to death. I almost called Wade hysterical, but it unlocked after I laid my sorry arse on the floor and gave it some time. I sound like a freakin 90 year old lady don't I? But, because of all these things I have really wanted to try and work as hard as I can to keep myself in shape and to work on my health. But whats the point in trying when I can't even lose a freckle 'O fat?
Anyway, if you are naturally skinny, have good genes or are just plain feeling better than me right now...I hate you. I mean that with love xoxo :)
I'm just very frustrated and needed to vent all that out there. Plus we had a funeral today for a man who was far to young to pass and leaves behind a beautiful wife and 3 young children. It's depressing and scares the daylights out of me. So..Wade has been gone all day doing the photography for the funeral and some pretty amazing service for the family. I am proud of him. I just don't get much time with him or with Jericho as a little family. I'm always tired, going to bed early if I am home. He is always at the gym or on the computer at night, or I'm at work. I LOVE my alone time, but sometimes it's not good for me. I tend to get negative and had bad thoughts....

Cleansing breath....count to 1,0000 and hope that tomorrow I'll feel better about things.